Hello old friends and newbies alike

BillyGoat · Post by **BillyGoat** » Thu Nov 07, 2013 1:56 pm

Just Checking in, I havent been around much since Mike passed away.
If you dont know me, im one of the old school agn3d peeps that made a home here after agn went down, I used to be an extremely active member, and know quite a few of you in real life as well.The Last 5 years have been very difficult for me. I got divorced, have since remarried. Some of my close friends here know that I have struggled with health issues in the past. 3 years ago I was diagnosed (finally after 10 years of bs) with a rare lung disease. Unfortunately there is no cure or real treatment, and I am terminal. My doctors cant really give me a timeline best guess is 5-20 years which is alot better then alot of folks with terminal illness. The crappy side is that it is progressive and gets worse everyday. The only treatment is palliative care. Im on more pain killers then Id like to be and still live in constant pain. Blade (Mike Valley) knew of my struggle to get a proper diagnosis and was always very helpful and kind, I guess my priorities changed after he passed, and I have been just trying to take care of me. Currently Ive been having a hard time holding down a job, and Im unemployed, and depressed. But anyhow- I thought Id check in to see if any of the old gang was around, I see Reno, Darcy, Bman,ex and FP are still here, im sure many others as well. Im not trying to depress anyone here, or set a bad tone, Im just in a very lonely place. All of my real life friends took advantage of me when things were good, and ditched me when I got sick.
Im hoping I can reconnect with some people and maybe make some new friends. Sorry about the lack of details, but I dont want to air my sh!t out all over the internet- those of you who knew me or care can contact me and Ill be happy to fill you in with more details.

On a side note, Im out of unemployment, my retirement is gone, everything is in ruins etc etc-

Im currently living near Pottstown PA, which is close to philly and king of Prussia, and really need a job- Im willing to do anything that my body will permit, Im in default of everything and trying to keep my car from getting repoed. Ive always been a responsible person, I never could have planned for this- Im only 37. If you know of anything, I would appreciate you passing the info to me. I really cant believe I went from 50k a year to now not even being offered min wage.Anyways, enough with the sad sack talk, heres to hoping for a better tomorrow, and wishing all my friends here the best. Those that I know well, I apologize for dropping off the face of the earth, its been a hard ride. Your prayers are dearly needed and really appreciated as well.

Bill aka BillyGoat aka ExtremeWattage

darcy · Post by **darcy** » Thu Nov 07, 2013 2:33 pm

i can't begin to imagine what you've been through, ~ and what you are still going through; but i will say from experience, ~ please keep the faith and don't ever, ever give up. i'll keep you in my prayers,, meanwhile, ~ welcome back, BillyG : )

renovation · Post by **renovation** » Thu Nov 07, 2013 3:27 pm

keep the faith Bill .I know its tuff and been for you bill !!
you know the no. call any time !

Post by **FlyingPenguin** » Thu Nov 07, 2013 5:10 pm

Hey Bill. Good to hear from you. Sorry it has to come with bad news, but we'll try and keep your spirits up. Maybe you can help keep ours up as the world goes to hell in a hand basket.

Hipnotic_Tranz · Post by **Hipnotic_Tranz** » Thu Nov 07, 2013 5:13 pm

Ah, the AGN days. I remember your username but sad to say I didn't really "know" you. Sounds like if you didn't have bad luck, you'd have no luck at all. Sorry to hear about your situation; sounds very difficult.

I wish you the finest and hope you can get some work. I think money back in the pocket and keeping your mind busy would move some of the mountains in front of your view. Take care and keep in touch! I'm a bad member these days and don't post as often as I should but I always visit--stay connected and we can help ya rise up!

EvilHorace · Post by **EvilHorace** » Thu Nov 07, 2013 8:41 pm

Welcome back Bill. Sorry to read about your present situation and I hope things improve for you soon. Hang in there.

wvjohn · Post by **wvjohn** » Thu Nov 07, 2013 8:48 pm

Hey welcome back! What an awful run of luck you've had - hang in there and do the best you can! We're still trying to break computers and generally stay out of *most* trouble

BillyGoat · Post by **BillyGoat** » Thu Nov 07, 2013 10:26 pm

Hypnotic, we met at the PCA lan ages ago didnt we?
Ah, and yes I remember the AGN days, Overclocking the hell out of slot 1 celerons and Pentium 3s LOL I had mine running on water cooling and was pushing a 300 to 533, which was big at the time

Executioner · Post by **Executioner** » Fri Nov 08, 2013 12:06 am

Wow hi Bill. Sorry to hear about your health issues, but sounds like you have a good frame of mind - positive. Great to have you back.

eGoCeNTRoNiX · Post by **eGoCeNTRoNiX** » Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:17 pm

Yo! Glad to hear from you and like the others, sorry things are lousy.. But, hopefully they can only get better! Best of luck in finding a job and getting back on your feet.

eGo

Hipnotic_Tranz · Post by **Hipnotic_Tranz** » Fri Nov 08, 2013 5:45 pm

BillyGoat wrote:Hypnotic, we met at the PCA lan ages ago didnt we?

Hey, I think you're right! In the Chicago land area, yeah? I was in high school at the time so that would place it around the early 2000's...maybe 2003?

ZYFER · Post by **ZYFER** » Sat Nov 09, 2013 4:53 am

Not to beat a dead horse and I know pride makes this difficult, but have you looked into applying for Social Security Disability?

This is the type of thing this program was intended for. It can take quite some time for the overall process, and you can discontinue the process at any time. But it isn't something that tends to be instantaneous, you don't want to wait till the last minute.

If you have already taken this step, just disregard what I said. Not saying to give up, but even if you were approved immediately, it has a five month wait process. But if it takes a long time, you get the whole amount from the original application minus that five months.

Nice to see you back though, didn't see much of you in the past, good to see you around again.

BillyGoat · Post by **BillyGoat** » Thu Nov 14, 2013 2:14 am

Zypher, Im starting to spead my focus towards that and vocational coaching of sometypes. Took in 3 interviews this week, and couldnt accept the job because even the least physical things hit me. Thanks for the suggestion, Im working on it. Importantly, the disease I have got put of SSID's roll sheet by the epa a couple years ago

Koo Koo Mouse · Post by **Koo Koo Mouse** » Sat Nov 16, 2013 1:20 pm

Hey Goat.
I'm from AGN too and do remember the screen name.
Ahh man hang in there and keep in touch! It's what forums are for!
Darcy helped me out through a real bad time and I will never forget it. (she may have saved my life) Yes from the kindest words I've ever seen on a screen..
Anyway I love your attitude! And that's a GOOD thing!
I'll pray for ya for sure!

BillyGoat · Post by **BillyGoat** » Thu Nov 21, 2013 11:23 pm

Darcy is a wonderful human being- I remember really enjoying her at the PCALAN so I can agree with you.

I wish i had a more positive outlook, I put on a pretty face for all, but I kinda feel dead inside-useless,hopeless?

depreasion can really kick a guys ass- crazy thing is, the meds I have to take to keep alive all have side effects of depression, so its really bad at times

Ive actually been suicidal at times, But my respect for firearms (been at the range since I was 5) and the thoughts of how my family would take it clearly put the brakes on that

My wife has MS and depends on me for even the simpelist of tasks, Also
Im the oldest sibling in my family and lost a brother and sister to cancer when i was 15. Long story short- I pretty much raised my brothers and sisters and they look to me as a father figure- I think they would go off the deep end, so this helps in convincing myself to stay alive.

Im just thinking Karma might be a myth, my whole life Ive always sacrificed to help others- alot of which took advantage of my good nature.

I know my future is not pretty, Ive accepted that- I just wish that there was a way to kill the pain so I could be working and living. Believe me, my oncologist has me on decent stuff, but it surpases that.

Ok enough whining, at this point Im just praying for a miracle, so your thoughts and prayers are much appreciated. I know there will not be a cure, I just want to be able to be a functioning member of society- that would be my miracle