for all us married trades how long you been with your better half?
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renovation
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Yep, 10 years for me as of July 4th, and there is nothing worse than forgetting your anniversary when it falls on a major holiday like that.
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renovation
- Posts: 13859
- Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2000 8:24 am
- Location: on a lake in michigan
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Now who wants to be married?
<b>Tough Love: Marital Bliss
Did marriage wreck his wife's amazing sex drive?</b> taken from <A href="http://formen.ign.com/news/28178.html" alt="_new" title="Did marriage really ruin that amazing sex drive?">here</a>
I have a question to ask your opinion on.
I have been married for just over one year, and from the day I got married, my wife and my sex life has been in the dumps. She used to be on me like a bear to honey, quicker than I could even think, but know I have to plead, to even touch her, I mean a kiss with a little tongue takes an act of congress. Also she isn't interested in anything other than either straight sex, or mutual masturbation any more; hell she won't even get on top. When we were dating I would get oral sex and give oral sex almost every time we made love now it takes and act of congress, a dozen roses, and a new car for me to receive. We tried anal sex and she liked it until we got married then it was too much, and she was the one who wanted it. I didn't even like the idea originally. A few months ago she talked of having a threesome, with another chick and she like to masturbate watching 2girls 1guy threesomes on porn, but she would rather watch the golden girls than make love to me, or hell even let me touch her please give me some insight.
Lonely in love <img src="http://www.gotapex.com/forums/images/sm ... awling.gif">
No wonder you're lonely! I'd be too, if I had the sneaking suspicion that someone was only on me like "a bear on honey" in order to get that ring on the finger, tied-down, everything's legal-eagle stuff!
So, what to do?
Well, I wish you had given me an idea of the way the rest of your married life was going. Do you and she talk a lot and really communicate? Are you were both working and supporting the household? Do the two of you go out and have fun? Do you share common goals (like saving to buy a house or having kids)? It certainly would make a difference if you two have nothing in common overall. As in, if you only got married for great sex and now you're not getting that...
I'll have to assume that you have other reasons to be married than just sex, for example, if the two of you are in love. If this isn't true, then write in and I'll promptly respond with the suggestion that you see a divorce lawyer before she ties you down further (like, say, with a baby, so be sure that birth control's taken care of until you get everything straightened out).
Now, as to your situation. Sounds to me as if your wife has some issues around sex. Perhaps she only enjoys it when she isn't committed to someone or when she's turned on by uncertainty (Is he mine or not? Can I get him to marry me? Does he really love me?). Maybe she's angry at you for some reason (He's not the man I thought he was! He doesn't do enough for me. He doesn't earn enough! What's this with wanting me to work? We don't really communicate! He doesn't really love me!) Or, as your email makes me wonder, she may have some sexual orientation/fantasy issues she hasn't worked out yet.
She's been suggesting to you a threesome with another girl and admits to being turned on by porn with threesomes of two girls and a guy. Now, less mature readers might say, hot damn! Sounds good to me! But I read between the lines that the reason you haven't jumped on this like a "bear on honey" is that YOU WANT YOUR WIFE TO WANT YOU. You want to be loved. You want to feel that she desires you, not just you as an actor in her fantasies. (See guys? Porn and fantasies can even hurt a guy, if the shoe's on the other foot!)
So, basically, you have to decide if she was being honest before marriage, when she was eager to roll in the hay, or if she's being honest now, when she'd rather go solo with the video. Question: did she ever express to you that she might be bisexual or even primarily lesbian? Does she feel that, if she is, she can have a committed relationship with a guy (namely you)? Are you ever going to get what you want out of the relationship?
Adding adventures like threesomes to a good couple relationship is one thing (and it's a thing that's difficult for people to integrate - it's so fraught with risks to the couple's stability). Adding them to a shaky, difficult, trouble-filled relationship is quite another. They're a no-go for you right now. Good chance you'll wind up hurt afterwards or hooked into a new round of uncertainty.
Sit down with your wife (preferably with a counselor who will keep the discussion from disintegrating into a fight) and discuss what you both want from your marriage and what you're willing to invest. Then decide what can be changed, what's acceptable, and where to go from here (couple's counseling? divorce? bumbling along as usual?). It save time if you have lists ready before hand.
Good luck.
- Leah
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Good luck you married guys!
Did marriage wreck his wife's amazing sex drive?</b> taken from <A href="http://formen.ign.com/news/28178.html" alt="_new" title="Did marriage really ruin that amazing sex drive?">here</a>
I have a question to ask your opinion on.
I have been married for just over one year, and from the day I got married, my wife and my sex life has been in the dumps. She used to be on me like a bear to honey, quicker than I could even think, but know I have to plead, to even touch her, I mean a kiss with a little tongue takes an act of congress. Also she isn't interested in anything other than either straight sex, or mutual masturbation any more; hell she won't even get on top. When we were dating I would get oral sex and give oral sex almost every time we made love now it takes and act of congress, a dozen roses, and a new car for me to receive. We tried anal sex and she liked it until we got married then it was too much, and she was the one who wanted it. I didn't even like the idea originally. A few months ago she talked of having a threesome, with another chick and she like to masturbate watching 2girls 1guy threesomes on porn, but she would rather watch the golden girls than make love to me, or hell even let me touch her please give me some insight.
Lonely in love <img src="http://www.gotapex.com/forums/images/sm ... awling.gif">
No wonder you're lonely! I'd be too, if I had the sneaking suspicion that someone was only on me like "a bear on honey" in order to get that ring on the finger, tied-down, everything's legal-eagle stuff!
So, what to do?
Well, I wish you had given me an idea of the way the rest of your married life was going. Do you and she talk a lot and really communicate? Are you were both working and supporting the household? Do the two of you go out and have fun? Do you share common goals (like saving to buy a house or having kids)? It certainly would make a difference if you two have nothing in common overall. As in, if you only got married for great sex and now you're not getting that...
I'll have to assume that you have other reasons to be married than just sex, for example, if the two of you are in love. If this isn't true, then write in and I'll promptly respond with the suggestion that you see a divorce lawyer before she ties you down further (like, say, with a baby, so be sure that birth control's taken care of until you get everything straightened out).
Now, as to your situation. Sounds to me as if your wife has some issues around sex. Perhaps she only enjoys it when she isn't committed to someone or when she's turned on by uncertainty (Is he mine or not? Can I get him to marry me? Does he really love me?). Maybe she's angry at you for some reason (He's not the man I thought he was! He doesn't do enough for me. He doesn't earn enough! What's this with wanting me to work? We don't really communicate! He doesn't really love me!) Or, as your email makes me wonder, she may have some sexual orientation/fantasy issues she hasn't worked out yet.
She's been suggesting to you a threesome with another girl and admits to being turned on by porn with threesomes of two girls and a guy. Now, less mature readers might say, hot damn! Sounds good to me! But I read between the lines that the reason you haven't jumped on this like a "bear on honey" is that YOU WANT YOUR WIFE TO WANT YOU. You want to be loved. You want to feel that she desires you, not just you as an actor in her fantasies. (See guys? Porn and fantasies can even hurt a guy, if the shoe's on the other foot!)
So, basically, you have to decide if she was being honest before marriage, when she was eager to roll in the hay, or if she's being honest now, when she'd rather go solo with the video. Question: did she ever express to you that she might be bisexual or even primarily lesbian? Does she feel that, if she is, she can have a committed relationship with a guy (namely you)? Are you ever going to get what you want out of the relationship?
Adding adventures like threesomes to a good couple relationship is one thing (and it's a thing that's difficult for people to integrate - it's so fraught with risks to the couple's stability). Adding them to a shaky, difficult, trouble-filled relationship is quite another. They're a no-go for you right now. Good chance you'll wind up hurt afterwards or hooked into a new round of uncertainty.
Sit down with your wife (preferably with a counselor who will keep the discussion from disintegrating into a fight) and discuss what you both want from your marriage and what you're willing to invest. Then decide what can be changed, what's acceptable, and where to go from here (couple's counseling? divorce? bumbling along as usual?). It save time if you have lists ready before hand.
Good luck.
- Leah
------------------------------
Good luck you married guys!
3 years for me. A total of 6 if ya count dating which was almost like being married...
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Core I7 920 @ 4.0GHZ| Asus P6T Deluxe V2 |2x WD 640gb RAID 0--2x WD 1TB| Philips 20x SATA DVD | 12 gigs Corsair XMS | SB Audigy2 Fatality | GeForce GTX 260 Core Edition | Thermaltake 700w PSU |Antec 900 Case | 6mb DSL |
<b><a href=http://www.heatware.com/eval.php?id=2322>Heatware Evals</a></b>
Core I7 920 @ 4.0GHZ| Asus P6T Deluxe V2 |2x WD 640gb RAID 0--2x WD 1TB| Philips 20x SATA DVD | 12 gigs Corsair XMS | SB Audigy2 Fatality | GeForce GTX 260 Core Edition | Thermaltake 700w PSU |Antec 900 Case | 6mb DSL |
