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The phone calls. . .

A man calls his lawyers office.
When the receptionist answers the phone
he asks to speak to Mr. Taylor, his lawyer.

The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but Mr. Taylor died last week."
The man says nothing and hangs up the phone.

The next day he calls the office and again asks for Mr. Taylor.
The receptionist says, "Sir, I told you yesterday that Mr. Taylor has died."
The man again says nothing and hangs up the phone.

The next day he calls the office again and asks for his lawyer.
The receptionist gets angry and says
"Sir, I have told you for two days that Mr. Taylor has passed away.
Why do you continue to call?!"

The man then answers
"I like hearing good news when I call my lawyers office."





:up

Fore
====

A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway.
Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.

"I'm an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you
five grand!"

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied.
"But I did yell 'fore'."

"I'll take it," the attorney said.

how do you tell the difference between a traffic accident involving a deer and one involving a lawyer?




there are usually skidmarks when it is a deer............

Q: What’s the Difference between a Rooster And a Lawyer?

A: The Rooster Clucks Defiance



Q: What is the Difference Between a Porcupine
And 2 Lawyers in a Porsche?
A: With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

Malpractice insurance won't cover lawyers who spank their clients

The perverted act of intentionally fondling the bare bottoms of female clients cannot and is not part of the practice of law.

That is, however, the whole point of gynecology.

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at
the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven,
they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked,
"What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg?
They just made a movie about it."

The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic."
St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really*
need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the
question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie.
"1,228," he answered.

"That's right! You may enter."

St. Peter turned to the lawyer.






"Name them."

A man walked into a legal office for advice about a debt he owed.

The lawyer told the client that, technically,
he could get out of the obligation.
"But morally," the lawyer continued,
"you have a responsibility.
As legal counsel, my recommendation is
that you satisfy the debt."

The client rose and walked toward the door.

"Sir, there's a $25 fee for my advice,"
the lawyer reminded him.

With a shake of his head, the man replied,
"I'm not taking your advice."

- When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is,
they high-five each other.

- During your initial consultation he tries to
sell you Amway.

- He tells you that his last good case was a
"Budweiser."

- During the trial you catch him playing his
Gameboy.

- He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

- Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack
Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink
a shot.

- He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.

- He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the
defense table.