The Truth

Executioner · Post by **Executioner** » Mon Aug 30, 2004 1:49 pm

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men...
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

darcy · Post by **darcy** » Mon Aug 30, 2004 3:05 pm

"It's a guy thing": ~~

Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it,
and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."
Really means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means: "The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late."
Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."
Really means: "Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means: "I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me."
Really means: "You want me to stay awake."

"That's women's work."
Really means: "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means: "I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house."
Really means: "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means: "I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"
Really means: "What did you catch me doing?"

"I heard you."
Really means: "I have no idea what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You look terrific."
Really means: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I missed you."
Really means: "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means: "I'm lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework."
Really means: "I make the messes, you clean them up."

"This relationship is getting too serious."
Really means: "You're cutting into the time I spend with my truck."

"I don't need to read the instructions."
Really means: "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

nitro237 · Post by **nitro237** » Mon Aug 30, 2004 5:14 pm

What's your point darcy ?

Executioner · Post by **Executioner** » Mon Aug 30, 2004 5:36 pm

Originally posted by nitro237
What's your point darcy ?

LOL, I'm still waiting for my open beer.

darcy · Post by **darcy** » Mon Aug 30, 2004 6:57 pm

Originally posted by nitro237
What's your point darcy ?

lol ~ oh, nuttin,,, just reckoned on a bit o' tit 4 tat.

Originally posted by Executioner
LOL, I'm still waiting for my open beer.

how long u reckon u can last??

Executioner · Post by **Executioner** » Mon Aug 30, 2004 7:45 pm

Originally posted by darcy
lol ~ oh, nuttin,,, just reckoned on a bit o' tit 4 tat.

how long u reckon u can last??

All night baby!

darcy · Post by **darcy** » Mon Aug 30, 2004 10:22 pm

Originally posted by Executioner
All night baby!

mo.

can this be verified??

The_Frapster · Post by **The_Frapster** » Mon Aug 30, 2004 11:09 pm

Hehe, couldn't resist this once I seen it....

Longer then you.......

Executioner · Post by **Executioner** » Tue Aug 31, 2004 12:56 am

When I was young and foolish (in my mid twenties), my wife (girlfriend at the time) gave me a pillow case with the following:

One ticket - good for all night.

Enough said.

darcy · Post by **darcy** » Tue Aug 31, 2004 8:39 am

Originally posted by The_Frapster
Hehe, couldn't resist this once I seen it....

Longer then you.......

who u natterin' @, T_F? me or the Exe.??

Originally posted by Executioner
When I was young and foolish (in my mid twenties), my wife (girlfriend at the time) gave me a pillow case with the following:

One ticket - good for all night.

Enough said.

i reckon so.

The_Frapster · Post by **The_Frapster** » Wed Sep 01, 2004 1:23 am

Whomever cares.....

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