ways to get into hot water ~

Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk, post your joke of the day. And cheer up will ya!
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User avatar
reno
The artist formerly known as Renovation
Posts: 1781
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2016 10:35 pm

ways to get into hot water ~

Post by reno »

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those
many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally
she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping
away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time
and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out
again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you
might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 225 in about 2 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman
that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed
my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security
office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability too.'
And then the fight started...
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I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
*****************************************************************

i'll stop now before you all want to start a fight with me as this being to long .

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:S :S :S :S :S :S :S :S
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Losbot
Almighty Member
Posts: 4991
Joined: Sun Jul 13, 2014 8:59 am
Location: South Florida

Re: ways to get into hot water ~

Post by Losbot »

LMAO
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