British Humor

Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk, post your joke of the day. And cheer up will ya!
User avatar
Losbot
Almighty Member
Posts: 2740
Joined: Sun Jul 13, 2014 8:59 am
Location: South Florida

British Humor

Postby Losbot » Fri Jul 14, 2017 4:42 pm

1. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

2. After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, John woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he had made it home safely.

3. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD40.

4. A teenage boy asks his granny: “Have you seen my pills? They were labeled LSD?” Granny replies: “ The hell with the pills, did you see the dragons in the kitchen?”

5. Wife gets naked and asks hubby: “What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?” Hubby looks her up and down and replies: “Your sense of humor!” (Hospital visiting hours are 5:00 to 6:00.)

6. A chap's wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all he did was suggest they should hold auditions for her part. (His viewing will be Saturday from 7:00 till 8:30.)

7. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

8. I woke up this morning at 9:00, and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 10:30.

9. My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door. She screamed: "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" I replied: "Oh, so now you want me to stay!”

10. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. When we went to the fair last night it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

11. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her: "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" (The doctor says I should be able to see again in about ten days. The broken arm will take about a month. )

User avatar
darcy
Posts: 5585
Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2004 9:33 pm
Location: NYC

Re: British Humor

Postby darcy » Tue Sep 19, 2017 11:09 am

Lol @ 4 and 9 :)
Briquette, 1992 - 2008 ~ < Forever In Our Hearts >

Lily, 1995 - 2009 ~ < Forever In Our Hearts >

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.
They must be felt with the heart. ~ Helen Keller.


Return to “Joke of the Day!”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest