Let's make this a Blond's only thread :D

[Viperoni]

Why did the Blond's belly button hurt?
Cuz her boyfriend was a blond too!

[blackhawk]

Why did the blond smile during the thunderstorm?

Cause he thought someone was taking his picture.


What do you call a blond with 2 brain cells?

Pregnant


Happy Canada Day! Sponsored by 'Molsom's Canadian'-Helping ugly people have sex for 150 years!

[Stacy]

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. She decides that while her husband is off at work she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket on over her fur coat. She replies that she was following the directions on the point can and they said...FOR BEST RESULTS PUT ON TWO COATS

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A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.
"Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."

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A blonde decides to do something wild, something she hadn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. She then drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen. She got so mad and called the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." she whined. The store clerk was apologetic, saying, "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde replies, "It's called, Head Cleaner."

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A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted & the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady & rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try & throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup & she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again & again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when..................the Wal-Mart manager runs out of the store to unplug the horse.

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Why do blondes have TGIF written on the inside of their shoes?

Toes Go In First

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None--they screw in cars.

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How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

Seven--one to mix the dough and six to peel the Smarties.

[Viperoni]

A blonde goes for flying lessons, but learns that all the small planes are booked. The instructor offers her a helicopter instead, and will instruct her over the radio.

She agrees, and soon she is flying around in the helicopter at 500 feet. The instructor tells her to gain altitude, and soon she is at 1000 feet. Again she is asked to move higher, and the instructer watches the helicopter climb to 2000 feet. He then watches in horror as the helicopter plunges to the ground.

As an emergency crew investigate the wreckage, they find the blonde inside, amazingly unharmed.

The instructor wanted to know what happened and the blonde replies, "I dont' know. It was getting kind of cold, and I don't remember anything that happened after I turned the big fan off."

[bitSLAP]

A contractor is giving a newly-wed couple a tour of their new house. After showing them around, they have a conversation in the bedroom. They talk for a few minutes when all of a sudden the contractor goes to the window and yells,

"GREEN SIDE UP!"

he returns and they continue their conversation. A few minutes later, he again yells out the window,

"GREEN SIDE UP!!"

After the third time going to the window and returning, the couple finally asks him, "WHY are you yelling that out the window?"

The contractor replies, "Oh, well I have a blonde laying turf down."

[Viperoni]

What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair?
Artifical intelligence.

What's the difference between a blonde and the internet?
Not everyone's been on the internet!

One day three women went camping -- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business. While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half and hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, “I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in.”

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the brunette yells, ''EARTHQUAKE!!!'' Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the redhead yells, ''TORNADO!!!'' Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!'' and the blonde yells, ''FIRE!!!'''

[Stacy]

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job.

"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "tell me: what is one and one?"

"Eleven," she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, that's not what I meant, but she's right!

He continued with his test: "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"

"Today and tomorrow," was her reply.

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

Finally, he asked her: "Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

The blonde looked a little surprised, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted: "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.

"It went great!" she told them. "First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder investigation!"

[Hipnotic_Tranz]

Question:
<b>What is the differnece between a blonde and a mosquito?</b>

Answer:
<i>A mosquito will stop sucking when you slap it.</i>



Oldie, but I still laugh everytime I hear it :lol

[Stacy]

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals, unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up, "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

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A blonde was sick and tired of hearing jokes about being dumb. She decided to dye her hair black and set out to prove to the world just how wrong they were about blondes. She drove out of the city and into the country where there were many sheep farms. She spotted a sheep farmer, stopped her car and said, "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep are in your field, will you give me a sheep?" He said "Sure!" She counted and said "131." The farmer said, "That's Right! Go ahead and get a sheep."

The blonde went and got her sheep. Then, the farmer said, "If I tell you what color your hair really is, can I have it back?" and she said, "Yes."

"Blonde. Now give me back my dog."

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A blonde goes into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her that it will cost her $300, she exclaims, "I don't have any money... but I'll do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"
To that the man asks, "Anything?" and the blonde says, "Yes.... ANYTHING!!"
With that the man says, "Follow me!" He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door." She does this and then he says, "Get on your knees."
She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper."
She does. Then he says, "Go ahead, take it out."
With that, she takes it out and holds it with both hands. And then the man says somewhat impatiently, "Well, go ahead!!"
She then brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it very closely to her lips, she says, "HELLO? MOM?!"

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A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the road and told the blonde "Stand in the circle and DON'T MOVE!"

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh, you think that's funny? Watch this." He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.

When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it.

He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, "When you weren't looking I stepped outside the circle 4 times."